A Deep Hole inside

The hazy sky today is making me depressed. Although winter is my favorite season because the summer here is unmanageable. I am the kind of person that loves thunderstorms and the more the rain, the better. It might sound crazy to some of you but i dare you to come and spend just a single month of summer in this part of the world and no one will recognize you on your way out.

But there is something else about today, it’s like reminding me of what i wanted to do with my life. I wasn’t gonna waste my life lying in bed. I wanted to do something with it.

Ever since my childhood, i wanted to learn different languages. That was because i had a different mother tongue, Pashtu, which is from the region KPK Pakistan. While in school we used to speak Urdu, which is the national language. I also learned Arabic, from my neighbors because they were from Saudi Arabia and i learned Turkish from watching Turkish series becauze i love them. But during all this i was an English major student, studying the English language and Literature.

By the end of my masters degree i had a very detailed CV of a number of languages which led me to this brilliant school as a Teacher and Advocacy incharge. That was my dream job watching students sharing their difficulties , trusting me and opening up to me, it was like i had found a purpose in life. I was making someone’s life easier, taking their troubles from them and solving it out brought me joy. Believe me there is no more happiness in anything than looking into someone’s eyes and finding respect in them for yourself.

It’s been 8 months since I’ve left that job and the country behind. Today this hazy sky brought me back some memories of those days and it felt like my life has no purpose anymore.

To be Continued …


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56 thoughts on “A Deep Hole inside

  1. I agree on you watching student make their life easier . I thought more than twenty years in public school and at the same time part time instructor in the university . Actually there’s a lot opportunity around the world looking for English teacher now . It’s up to you where you will go . Wish you the best.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Good Morning my Friend, from Canada. You are an exceptional young lady, with a terrific future, but you have just hit a bump in this road of life. With all your language knowledge and skill, showing your intelligence, there is a brilliant future ahead of you, but it will probably take some work to locate the direction, like many good things in life. Please don’t give up, you are too valuable to this world.
    I know God has a plan and place for you, I will be praying for you to find the direction of His leading. If it is possible, could I know your first name, or even initial, for when I think of you and pray. Thank you.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. You have a beautiful God given Gift…….You are able to “see” and understand “others”, in order to help them Live more fruitful and beneficial Lives. Our Purpose and gifts do Not fade, our gifts expand and We Grow. All the knowledge we gather has led us to this very point, in this “moment” we are exactly where we are meant to be. There are “times” to Love and give of ourselves and “times” for “study” and gathering new knowledge, so as to use our ‘gifts” to elevate ourselves aswell as all of humanity.
    We are not ever alone, God is always with us.
    Love be Your guide in every choice You make, Have a beautiful and uplifting day

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Your sweet and searching spirit certainly comes across in your writing…and as a retired teacher myself, I delight to read your joy in interacting with your students. Love Divine will not withhold from you the opportunity to use your skills and talents I know, and I pray you find the path to fulfillment very soon. Blessings and peace to you, Saba, I look forward to reading and learning much from you in days to come!

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  5. Good Morning Saba Khan, it has been a long time since I have seen your writing, or we have connected at all. You have been in my thoughts recently especially, so it must be God who made me think of you, and to find your site again. I am truly interested in how you are doing, really doing now, since you did not have any of your thoughts or writing here for quite a while. You are a special young lady, with gifts and talents that many in this world will benefit from if you use them and share them to Bless others.
    In reading responses from others as well, it is obvious you are a young lady loved by many. We are hoping and trusting for your best. Looking forward to hearing more from you, and the offer is always open to pray for you if you have anything you are willing to share.
    I trust your family, and your family relationships are well.
    God Bless you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am so pleased to know that you still remembered me and were thinking about me… i had been studying these past days because i was hoping to get into this university of my dreams but unfortunately i just checled a few ahours before that it didn’t offer the program i was willing to apply for this year … it just left me heart broken but am still waiting till tomorrow morning to confirm the news so i pray that i will get there … hows life there ?

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      1. Thank you for your reply. We are doing pretty well, thanks, apart from me having pneumonia for the past few weeks.
        We had our Christmas celebration yesterday, with our daughter, her husband and 3 kids, our son, his wife and 3 kids, along with our son’s Mother in Law, and one nephew from his wife’s side. So 14 people in all.
        We haven’t had much snow yet this winter, which I don’t mind, and even the temperatures have not been really cold on a number of days, although not warm or hot for sure.

        I am sorry to hear that your university of choice may not offer the courses you desire. Is there another good university you would consider applying to, if there is not the possibility in your first choice?
        I will pray for you Saba, to get into a university that is pleasing to you, will meet your desires and needs.
        Please let me know how it works out for you, and keep in touch.

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      2. Thants wonderful to know .. and a happy Christmas to you and all your family … it must have been just wonderful to be among such a huge and loving family … i live such gatherings… we just had one a gew days back when my elder brother got engaged.. it was one gret gathering like yours …
        This was the best institute in my city and i am afraid the others might hve closed their admission dates already … so i guess ill have to wait for the next term ..
        Thabk you very much for all the prayers … may god bless you

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  6. It’s so hurting to read your blogs but I am happy to read them. Do continue sharing your thoughts. Well, we have something in common….I too enjoy learning languages as much as anything. 😜😜
    I too know Arabic but of elementary level . I learnt it out of interest but I’ve always wanted to be a native speaker of Urdu.

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  7. Hello Saba. I am sorry you will not be attending university next term. I can understand you being disappointed. Do you plan on doing more studying of various subjects, including life, during this time?
    What do you enjoy doing, apart from studying and school? Do you have other hobbies?
    Do you celebrate in any special way or tradition for a new year starting? We just stay home usually, and watch a hockey game on television. There are usually tournaments during this time of year, so some are interesting to watch. Or we sit and read. I always have lots of books to read.
    God Bless you Saba, I will be looking forward to hearing from you, if you have opportunity, and are willing to write.

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  8. I love thunderstorms too! But being a fellow thunderstorm-lover, we both know that the clouds always hold promise of rain and life. I understand why you would feel that way but hang in there, sister. All love and hope.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I love thunderstorms. Awesome indeed in the true meaning of the word. I too would like to know more about you. Your comment on my comment on a site re God Bless America has touched me. In any way I could pray, help or support you I would be happy to do so. I re-affirm that I KNOW Christ died for ALL PEOPLE. His Love will be pouring out for whatever you need if you only reach out. New job may be necessary but do walk on with confidence. As an Australian I love my own nation but truly have a heart for all the peoples of this world.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Sadness returned. as I wrote in the previous commentary. A man needs happiness for his love and for work, which he enjoys and spends many hours with. Everyone has a talent from God, to what job. You as a teacher were happy

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  11. Every life has purpose, if you believe it has no purpose that that what others see in you. Believe in yourself and you will project that to others.
    If you apply for a place, either in your schooling or employment and get a refusal. Try to find the reason why you were not successful. Then you will understand where you need to improve.
    I remember my grandfather saying to me has a boy, ” A bucket with a hole will never hold water” It was only in my twenty’s that I fully understood what he was telling me.
    Love to you and your family.

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