Half Life

Life isn’t always pleasant for everyone. While growing up i never felt an absence of a Fatherly figure maybe because during that time I didn’t knew exactly what a fatherly love was. The reason is not because my father was dead or sick, its just because he NEVER talked with us. I am one of five siblings and being on a second last place I’ve always felt neglected. I am not someone who would scream and shout to get things done, i am the kind that would even sleep hungry if not invited to the dinner table. I am on the deep end of the SHY meter.

The reason of my return today is rather a sad one. When i am not able to talk I write, or in this case, type things down. I was just scolded for baking a cake by my father. Just as simple as that. I had always envied the girls that can sit together with their father and discuss their life or just pass smile to them. You know for me i have to watch my fathers facial expression before asking him for simple things and mostly i just let go of the matter because talking to my father seems harder then the matter itself.

So to the girls out there You are lucky to have loving parents and Respect your fathers because even after all this i do respect him as hes the provider for my family.

To be Continued …


156 thoughts on “Half Life

  1. Life can leave deep scars on us. It may be that something in his past left such scars on your father. You cannot blame yourself for his difficulty w/ communication, hard though it is on you. Your own sensitivity, however, has made you a great observer. ❤

    Liked by 6 people

  2. Both of my Fathers were alcoholics so they weren’t there most of the time. Being drunk and hung over was worse than just having them gone. I reconciled with them both after becoming an adult.
    Hope fully you will also be able to reconcile with your Father at some point, and have a relationship.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. I’m so sorry to hear this, it must be difficult interacting with him. I am in the same boat as you. I find both my parent’s to be very toxic and it saddens me when I see loving family because I never had it growing up. What brings me peace is knowing that there’s others out there who are going through the same thing and that i’m not alone. I wish you all the best and hope you find peace with your situation ❤

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Fathers love girls more. Girls love fathers more too. In general that is. I have two girls now grown and gone but still when they visit with their little brood we have fun still. the grand children now cannot let me be . love is infectious. I prsy for you snd beleive you will be ok.
    But yes me too have sad years from not my father who was dead but from my mentor who helped me to rise but was too critical always. why you did this or why you didn’t do this. It is 50 Years now but still I get shivers.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Sad words. my dad lived short. He died when I was 16 years old. He was a happy, always nice man. He worked a lot and talked to Bajeczko. I am a middle child. I have an older brother and a younger sister. Maybe what your dad is doing your culture. Maybe your docile character also matters. I understand your character temperament, because it’s similar to mine when I was young. Now I am hard and I still do not want anything from the other person who does not give. But I boldly express my opinion and I do not do what I do not want and my body rebels. Greetings from Poland from Gdansk Barbara

    Liked by 3 people

  6. My father was not a kind man. He was mean-spirited, cruel, perpetually angry, and drunk six days of each week. My step-father was sarcastic and emotionally distant. In all, the paternal examples I had as a child were utter failures as fathers

    It wasn’t until I was in my late thirties, and a father myself, before I finally came to understand what real fatherly love looks and feels like, and it took me submitting to Jesus to find it. He brought me to the Father, and He has taken the last few years to teach me.

    Between my wife, my children, and the Lord Jesus Christ, I’ve been remade, and I’m so deeply humbled by it. My wife and I have two small babies who will never know a father like I did. They will never know a father like their mother did. Our older children, the oldest of which recently turned 20, will get to know the new and improved model.

    I’m sorry your father is unable to be a dad. It is always heartbreaking to learn that a father has failed in truly loving his children. May the Lord Jesus bring you to the feet of the Father, so that you may at last have a dad who will never fail you.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Remember always that it is your father who is weak for not being a good father. There is no excuse for not showing your children love every day, I know because I do so for my own children. Like many of those who have commented, I had very bad experiences regarding father & step father as a child, I am sorry you have to go through this. But like I saud, remember your father has no excuse for neglecting your emotions. Not in todays world!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. It’s really Sad.. don’t lose your heart girl.. one day your father will realize how much his kids love and respect him and in return, they only want his selfless love and endless support!! Praying for you.. May this New Year brings new, beautiful and deserving changes in your life! ❤️🤗

    Liked by 4 people

  9. Thank you for sharing… laws, beliefs, religion, etc are guidelines for society, cannot control the mind or the heart… sometimes happenings or events determine the mindset of a mortal by how that mortal deals with it.. “Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come”.

    It is unfortunate that you find yourself in such an environment but you are a strong, courageous and intelligent young lady and I believe that you will overcome the challenges and be who you are destined to be… “The only thing that stands between you and your dream is the will to try and the belief that it is actually possible.” – Joel Brown

    Perhaps this new year will be all that you wish for it to be!… 🙂

    “Making your mark on the world is hard. If it were easy, everybody would do it. But it’s not. It takes patience, it takes commitment, and it comes with plenty of failure along the way. The real test is not whether you avoid this failure, because you won’t. it’s whether you let it harden or shame you into inaction, or whether you learn from it; whether you choose to persevere.” – Barack Obama

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Just read all your posts, I loved every single one of them. I couldn’t tell I was reading my friends or an author’s novel….you’ve a way with your words to write and describe everything so well to ones imaginations, would really recommend you write more. I know you a lot better now❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Sorry for your father .. many are damaged and can’t communicate with their family, it’s not just yours!

    Is it your shyness that you like my comments on other blogs but don’t comment on mine?

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Oh my that is such a sad blog I loved my two girls passionately and they knew they could sit and talk with me at any time so cannot understand how there could possibly be a gap in communication like that. I hope your relationship improves with time.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. I just read your post and found it entrancing in so many ways. I’m reminded of some of the women I met during my two years in Saudi — and I should point out there were very 𝘧𝘦𝘸 Saudi women, simply because of the culture. But two women in particular come to mind who did not embrace the rules but could do nothing about them. They were under the absolute control of their 𝘮𝘢𝘩𝘳𝘢𝘮𝘴 (if that’s the correct term) but somehow managed to break free, briefly, from time to time. I’m not sure if that’s your situation since yours seems to be more of an interpersonal family condition. But my heart goes out to you either way and I hope you keep writing about your experiences.

    (Oh, and I’m both amazed and envious that you managed to get 147 comments when my own blog is lucky to get two!)

    (And also, if you’re curious about my own Saudi experience, you can catch my old blog at http://jveeds.blogspot.com/)

    Liked by 1 person

  14. When I left home, I decided to change the thing I did not like about my father. Have told both my kids to pick one thing they didn’t like about me and change it for the better. That way, if each generation does this the world will be only get better and better!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. I’m so sorry to hear this. Well, I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for you. I hope your relationship with your father improves in time and may there be endless happiness in your life.
    Also, you are one strong woman who spoke your heart out. That’s so brave of you dear. 😌 And I just discovered your blog but I’m gonna hit follow right now. 😄💕

    Liked by 1 person

  16. This is so sad. 😕
    It must be so difficult for you. But I admire how you spoke your heart out. You are one brave woman. 😌 I hope your relationship with your father gets better in time and may there be endless happiness in your life.
    And btw I just discovered your blog so I’m gonna hit the follow right now. 😄💕

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Hey, girl just visited your site, and i kinda feel that our story resembles. I was born in Saudia. Raised there. But my parent’s were from Pakistan so we had to return. It was difficult time but i feel like i was meant to be in Pakistan now. With all the family.
    Talking about relationship with my father. I would like to shars that, this is how fathers are like in our culture. My father was really close to me. I woukd talk to him, take his suggestions, go out with him, we had fun, we would watch tv, sing. Je was my support but i just lost him to cancer last year. Its been seven months but I’m still there. Devastated. I love your work. I just want to say that maybe you coukd just try talking to him getting clise to him… And another thing sometimes people just can’t express love .maybe it’s like that with him

    Liked by 1 person

  18. You are mourning a very real loss, dear. Give yourself permission to grieve the years that can’t come back. God is with you. I am praying for you right now, that you would find true healing for your heart ❤️


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