Half Life

Life isn’t always pleasant for everyone. While growing up i never felt an absence of a Fatherly figure maybe because during that time I didn’t knew exactly what a fatherly love was. The reason is not because my father was dead or sick, its just because he NEVER talked with us. I am one of five siblings and being on a second last place I’ve always felt neglected. I am not someone who would scream and shout to get things done, i am the kind that would even sleep hungry if not invited to the dinner table. I am on the deep end of the SHY meter.

The reason of my return today is rather a sad one. When i am not able to talk I write, or in this case, type things down. I was just scolded for baking a cake by my father. Just as simple as that. I had always envied the girls that can sit together with their father and discuss their life or just pass smile to them. You know for me i have to watch my fathers facial expression before asking him for simple things and mostly i just let go of the matter because talking to my father seems harder then the matter itself.

So to the girls out there You are lucky to have loving parents and Respect your fathers because even after all this i do respect him as hes the provider for my family.

To be Continued …

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The Legends of a Family

They say Islam suppresses the rights of women to be educated and be equal as men in the society. Well I’d say don’t believe what you see from far a distance, come close and know the reality.

My Grand grand father was the owner of lands in the time when Pakistan was under the rule of Britain. He had a village to his name but in that time it ment a life threatening danger. He was the person who would act as a judge when something would go wrong in the community and that had made him the top ranker on a hit list.

When the generations passed and the time came for my father, he would attend school with armed guards standing by his side in a classroom. My father still continued his education with a risk everyday that maybe he might not come home today. But he didn’t want his children to go through all this and took us far away to another country. He did this so his daughters would get the best of education there is under a stress free environment. He left behind his hometown and his family just for us and never thought twice about returning until we were standing on our feet.

Nowadays Pakistan has a very strong judicial system and its safe to the extent that one can go out of the house alone in the middle of a night and not worry about anything. So we have returned to our village our people and its a bright sunshine everyday and I couldn’t be anymore grateful for having a family that everyone would want to have.

To be Continued …


A Deep Hole inside

The hazy sky today is making me depressed. Although winter is my favorite season because the summer here is unmanageable. I am the kind of person that loves thunderstorms and the more the rain, the better. It might sound crazy to some of you but i dare you to come and spend just a single month of summer in this part of the world and no one will recognize you on your way out.

But there is something else about today, it’s like reminding me of what i wanted to do with my life. I wasn’t gonna waste my life lying in bed. I wanted to do something with it.

Ever since my childhood, i wanted to learn different languages. That was because i had a different mother tongue, Pashtu, which is from the region KPK Pakistan. While in school we used to speak Urdu, which is the national language. I also learned Arabic, from my neighbors because they were from Saudi Arabia and i learned Turkish from watching Turkish series becauze i love them. But during all this i was an English major student, studying the English language and Literature.

By the end of my masters degree i had a very detailed CV of a number of languages which led me to this brilliant school as a Teacher and Advocacy incharge. That was my dream job watching students sharing their difficulties , trusting me and opening up to me, it was like i had found a purpose in life. I was making someone’s life easier, taking their troubles from them and solving it out brought me joy. Believe me there is no more happiness in anything than looking into someone’s eyes and finding respect in them for yourself.

It’s been 8 months since I’ve left that job and the country behind. Today this hazy sky brought me back some memories of those days and it felt like my life has no purpose anymore.

To be Continued …


There is Beauty in Simplicity

Growing up in a country, Saudi Arabia which is the birth place of my religion Islam, we were always thought about the power of Simplicity. Although the city nights were no less in brightness than the New York city, but still inside the boundaries marked for us by our religion. I was happy and my life was just perfect until the day my father said we had to move out.

Asking a girl who has lived 24 years of her life in a city with a well established profession as a teacher, to leave all that behind and shift to a village in a stranger country, thats more than alot. But under those circumstances it was necessary and we did move out.

Today, sitting in my room looking out of the window all i could see is green grasses and tall trees with snowy mountains in the far background just as i used to draw as a child in my art classes. Our religion teaches us to always be careful about what we wish and pray for from our Lord because we never know when and under what circumstances it might come true. I don’t remember wishing for it but all this seems an exact copy of my portraits and believe me i am more than happy i left my old life behind for it.

This new world is stress free, the air is fresh and there’s always a natural fragrance in it that I didn’t felt before. Theres always a paradise waiting outside for you whenever you take a step out of your room.

To be Continued …


The Call of Death

Well sometimes i guess sadness doesn’t only affect your mental heath but also changes you physically. Today i woke up to find my muscles tightened up for no definite reason. I though maybe it would be because of yesterday’s Goodbye. It was a rather calm day with a bright sunshine but suddenly it all changed in just a second.

Call it a culture or tradition, when someone dies in our society we gather people from our surroundings by announcing the persons identity and the time and location of a funeral through a speaker in a moving van. So its rather an open invitation where anyone can attend the funeral and pray for the forgiveness of the soul.

I wasn’t aware of this custom of calling before as i had just moved here after 24 years. Death for me was something scary and horrifying. Nowadays i hear these call 6-7 times everyday. My family and surrounding people seem just used to it. Their response is just as if the person had gone to a market for a walk and will be back in a while. It makes me sad, how someone who had spent countless moments with you can be forgotten so easily. Its like the humanity is dying off we are becoming Robots or we have rather switched off our humanity.

I wish when i die and its my Call of Death from that moving van, people would give me a moment of silence and atleast remember me for a day or two.

To be Continued …


A Goodbye to a Brother

Today was a day that brought happiness and sadness at the same time. It made me confused about my own feelings. My elder brother who is more like a friend to me, left us for a country for an unknown time period. I will miss him for sure, i still am though it’s just been 2 hours he left home. Its events like these that make us want to think about the life we are living, are we giving it our best or just passing our time.

Nowadays everything is new for me, i am in my hometown, a country i was born in, but is a stranger to me because i left it at the age of just an year old. I came back here after 24 years and still am trying to adjust to it. The good thing though is everyone ariund is insanely sweet to the extent that i find it fake. Leaving behind a country where you have spend your whole life, your childhood, your memories, those streets that you walked, that houses you lived in, it comes and haunt you in your memories afterwards.

I hope one day ill walk those streets again and reunite with the people i have know.

To be continued …


The Beginning of a new Journey

Dear Diary

Well to be honest, I don’t know how to start off the story to my life. It’s as if going on a roller coaster ride, that wont come to a stop, just keep on going the same track over and over again. I became a member of this site just to show case the reality of an ordinary Muslim girl’s life under some unordinary conditions.

I’ll keep the details coming up slowly for the coming days but bare with me it’s as interesting as one could think of.

The picture above shows my present location ( KPK, Pakistan). It’s in these beautiful mountains that i have shifted to, 5 months before, from a completely different country. A country known for its deserts, Saudi Arabia. Yes thats a different story to come up.

For today, i am feeling as excited as a child holding a new toy in hands, to be sharing my life with those who might’ve had a wrong conception about me.

Right now am sitting in this room filled with darkness at 6:32 pm listening to the beautiful adhan ( the call for prayer). This prayer always reminds me of time i have spent in Saudi Arabia. It had a special meaning for me beside just a prayer becuase my childhood teacher at the age of 6 used to give out those prayers 5 time everyday until the day i left that country and everyone behind, last year after spending 24 years of my life there, which would mean my whole life.

I end this today with a wish that tomorrow’s sunshine will bring a day that would be as unique as the past 5 months ive spent in these mountains.

To be continued …